DOING THE NEXT RIGHT THING

We all love stories where a person does the Spirit-centered thing and the relationship heals or the unpleasantness goes away.
But what about situations where the amends are made, but there is no forgiveness on the other side? What about situations where things do not heal despite our best efforts?

Jeannie and Roger Hughes

With the above in mind, I recently came across a true story about just such a situation in one of my favorite magazines, Guideposts, which was founded by Reverend Dr. Norman Vincent Peale and his wife Ruth.
The story is about Jeannie and Roger Hughes. They live in a town called Hurricane, West Virginia, which is near the eastern Kentucky state line. One day their neighbors walked up to them and said “We want to attach a chain-link fence to your white vinyl one.”
“That’s not going to work,” Roger quickly responded. “Our fence is inside our property line. We need to mow and trim between the two fences,” he explained.
“That’s ridiculous,” the husband of the neighbor couple responded. “We have every right to put our fence on the edge of our property.” Before Jeannie and Roger could respond, their neighbors stormed off.
The relationship between the two couples continued to go south. For example, the neighbors did not acknowledge the “waves” made by Jeannie. Also, the neighbors started letting their dog ‘take care of his business’ on the Hughes’ front lawn.
Jeannie wanted this rift with her neighbors to heal. She also ironically remembered the line from the poet Robert Frost that “good fences make good neighbors.”

A few weeks later Jeannie was in a store and saw a plate that had a famous quote from the Book of Leviticus on it: “Love Thy Neighbor” (Leviticus 19:18). She got a wonderful idea. Jeannie would buy the plate and make an apple pie. She then would put the pie on the “Love Thy Neighbor” plate. Then when she delivered the pie and plate to the neighbors, she would tell them to keep the plate.
Jeannie did all of this…..and what was the net result? I wish I could tell you this relationship healed, and it is all better. But that would not be the truth. The neighbor’s wife now does wave back if Jeannie or Roger wave first. But the neighbor’s husband refuses to acknowledge Roger and Jeannie’s existence.

I recently experienced a somewhat similar situation. My nine year old daughter, Therese, and I were visiting a dear friend in their condo. As we were rounding the corner to get into the elevator, a man— walking his small dog— suddenly appeared from around the other side of the corner.
Both the dog and Therese were startled, and the dog started to bark. My daughter stepped back. “Your daughter scared my dog,” the man said gruffly. “I think they both startled each other,” I said.
The man walked away. When we have seen the man and the dog again, both Therese and I have said “Hello” and talked nicely to him. But the gentleman refuses to acknowledge our existence. Well, we will continue to be friendly and civil, but it doesn’t seem that the ‘relationship’ is healing.

I think there are a few spiritual lessons to be gleaned from the above incidents, including the following:
—it is really nice when we make amends, or do other things, to heal broken relationships. In many cases— if not in the vast majority of situations — wounded relationships will heal because of these efforts.
—However, there probably will be times where— despite our best efforts— healing on both sides just will not take place (or will take far longer than we would like).
—In these difficult situations it is still best if we keep doing the next right thing! Even if the other side remains in bitterness, there is peace in knowing that we have done everything possible to clean up our side of the street.

In 12 Step fellowships the alcoholic/addict is encouraged to make amends to people and institutions they may have harmed in the past. It is suggested that the alcoholic/addict work with a ‘sponsor’ when making amends.
The alcoholic/addict is told that they will experience spiritual relief when they do the next right thing regardless of how the other party takes — or does not take— the amends. Millions of alcoholic/addicts have reported that this is in fact the case.

So in your situation, I hope that busted relationships will heal when you do the next right thing. In most cases they will. But in the few cases that won’t heal, know that you can feel the “peace that passes all understanding” even if the other side — shall we say— does not ‘wave’ back.