VALENTINES, TIGHT QUARTERS, AND ASSUMING THE BEST OF INTENTIONS
The New York Times has been running a series of stories under the general title of Modern Love.
Patty Kirk
These tales range the gamut of love tangles in the 21st century. However, the best love story that I have read recently came from grandmotherish Patty Kirk from Oklahoma. My first church, as many of you know, was in Oklahoma, and we Oklahomans have to stick together.
Patty is a writer in residence and an associate professor at John Brown University. She is the author of numerous books including A Field Guide to God, Confessions of an Amateur Believer, and Starting from Scratch: Confessions of a Wandering Cook.
Patty writes, “My daughter, Charlotte, worked remotely while her husband, Rubin, did an online internship. To save money until Rubin was employed, they stayed with my husband, Kris, and me for three months.”
The four of them soon had a routine. Chris and Patty cooked on weeknights, and the kids cooked on the weekends. “Everyone followed my New Year’s resolution to ‘eat what’s in the freezer.’ We divvied up the cleaning,” Patty added.
During the day, Kris hibernated in his office, while Rubin went to the upstairs study. Charlotte was on her laptop at the kitchen table, and Patty was writing via her computer in the living room.
Both couples had dogs. The kid’s dog tended to be much more mild mannered than the Oklahoma farm dogs of Kris and Patty. But eventually the dogs bonded into one family.
“Describing it sounds more idyllic than it was, though. I am accustomed to my solitude – – a prerequisite to writing— and the coziness often rankled. We disagreed frequently on political topics. Discussions of household matters often felt like critiques,” Patty explained.
But then, on Valentine’s Day, Patty read an article written by a submarine commander. It would be hard to find tighter living quarters – – with people piled up on each other – – than the living conditions experienced by people on a submarine. As Patty read the words of the submarine commander, she experienced a real change in her consciousness.
The submarine commander gave some wise advice for people sharing tight quarters. The submarine commander wrote, “Assume good intentions!”
After reading this, Patty concluded that “Love does not suspect ill will, but trusts in others’ best.” From this experience, Patty wrote a short prayer which goes like this: “Lord, help me love those around me better by trusting their motives, and believing they mean what they say.”
Of course, this mirrors the sound advice the apostle Paul gave us when he wrote, “Love is patient, love is kind…It keeps no record of wrongs. It always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (Corinthians 13: 4-7).
This is a far different concept of love than is often displayed in The New York Times “Modern Love” stories. It is far different from many of the contemporary love sagas we see depicted in movies, live-streaming, or in graphic novels.
I had just such an experience recently. It dealt more with brotherly love than romantic love, but it really demonstrated this point. When I was at Unity Institute and Seminary I had a wonderful teacher of the Bible. Call him Professor Jacob. I loved his classes, felt close to him, and did individual study with him.
Well, Professor Jacob left the seminary and became a minister at a Midwestern church. I telephoned Professor Jacob several times, but he never returned my calls. I emailed him. However, he never answered any of my emails.
I started thinking: Professor Jacob really didn’t like me. I must have done something to have really offended him. I thought we had developed a bond, but I must’ve been kidding myself all along.
But then this thought came to my mind: Don’t go making worst case assumptions. Assume good intentions. Until you have solid evidence, the professor Jacob does not like you, do not go down that dark road.
The day, after, I switched my consciousness, and vowed to follow the “Angels of my better nature” I received the following phone call from Professor Jacob, “Rick, I am so sorry to just be getting back to you now. But I switched churches and I’m now ministering at a new church. The phone calls and emails that you sent went to the old church, and they never forwarded your messages to me. I am so sorry. It is so good to be speaking with you. So, you’re back in Virginia. How do you like your new church? ...”
A spiritual mentor of mine pointed out to me that this phone call from Professor Jacob happened the day after I switched my consciousness and thinking about the entire incident! There really is something about that old saying, “Change your thinking, and you change your life.”
So, I wish you a wonderful Valentine’s Day. And I also wish that we remember the wise advice from the submarine commander, Patty, and the apostle Paul: “Assume good intentions. Love is kind.”
